A Comfortable Soul

This was originally posted over at Scott Sonnon’s The Flow Coach blog.  What Coach Brandon Jones says here is worth sharing a million times over.  It echos the sentiments of this earlier post.

“Yesterday on my local news, I saw a story about a local high school basketball coach who was recently fired. While this alone couldn’t be less interesting, the reason he was fired peaked my interest. He was fired as a result of allowing his athletes to win their game by too great a margin.

You see, he coached his athletes too well. According to those responsible for firing him, it was “unsportsmanlike” to have his players play to the best of their ability. It wasn’t the official’s fault or the opposing team’s coach for not forfeiting, apparently it’s now poor sportsmanship to train hard and perform at your best.

Almost immediately after, a commercial came on. I don’t remember what the commercial was for but it had a kid in a karate gi proudly placing her 5th place trophy on the mantle.

5th place? Trophy?

Why did it have to be 5th place? Even only a few years ago, 5th place got a “thanks for coming – good effort”, but not a trophy. Fifth place used to be the one who lost to the person that lost. Showing up is half the battle – but it’s still only half.

In my athletic career, I’ve won some and lost some. I learned a lot more from losing than I ever did from winning – though of course winning was more fun. Losing made me work harder, apply myself more, set goals and work harder to achieve them. I am most thankful that I was given the opportunity to lose.

Seems like nowadays we live in a world where everyone’s a winner. Well guess what? EVERYONE IS NOT A WINNER!

I believe that most people have within them the potential to accomplish their goals. I also believe that most people won’t use that potential. Potential in itself is a funny thing because to say someone has potential is only a compliment the first time someone says it – after that it just means they haven’t done anything with it.

I’ve been seeing this trend for a long time and it’s spinning me up more and more these days: self-delusion replacing confidence. The kind of confidence you get when you earn a victory. Whether that victory is in sport or something entirely different. When someone you respect gives you a compliment and you actually deserved it. With so many people now it’s entitlement rather than a desire to achieve or excel. The “I’m okay you’re okay” society has produced a generation who expects praise or feels somehow violated when someone else excels.

Within our own fitness community I see evidence of this as well. People who seem genuinely removed from their own performance. Things like saying their Rate of Technique was a 10, for example. I have trained in martial arts for over 30 years, competed in combat sports and martial arts tournaments, I have been doing Circular Strength Training since the very first seminar… I can count on one hand the number of times I have hit a 10 in technique in anything – and I have no doubt that even that is overly optimistic.

Then, there’s the matter of Rate of Exertion. I see 10’s here a lot as well. A ten (on a scale of 1 – 10) is everything. All you got. Why is that hard to understand? It’s really quite simple.

I remember in my past training days, working in class until I’d thrown up, getting back with the class and continuing – sometimes more than once. I remember going home after hours of training like that and having my whole body cramp up from lack of hydration – yet still being able to go and check the mail. To me that’s not a ten – I still had something (though not very much) left in the tank.

Here’s a tip: if after your training session you could still run away if a bear broke into your living room – you didn’t hit a 10.

I don’t think this is a misunderstanding of RPT or RPE, but a result of living in a time where everyone’s a winner, just trying is good enough and reason to be praised. Self-dellusion replacing confidence.

I remember once, when I was younger, being knocked stupid by a new fighter in the gym with more experience than I had. When they picked me up off the floor and I could form complete sentences, no one said “good job” to me, and I would’ve been offended if they didn’t. Instead, my coach told me in no uncertain terms why I got my lunch money taken and what I needed to do and how I needed to do it so that it wouldn’t happen again. No compliments on the way my head bounced off the canvas or the way my outfit looked, not even a kind word about my hygiene – just a good old “here’s what you did wrong.” That got me on the right path, made me rededicate myself and work harder. The next time I met that kid… well, he beat me again and again no praise – none.

Soon after that, however, I started to narrow the gap and eventually caught up. The first time I beat him was the first time my coach said, “good job” and I knew that compliment meant something. I earned that praise. I did the work and improved myself. I won.

In today’s world, we seem to have an overabundance of coddling. Encouraging to the point of stupidity. Praising those who do the bare minimum and rewarding anyone who’s close enough to throw a medal around their neck. Praise is given and not earned and now it’s expected.

This craziness is apparent also in the incredible number of people who think that because the internet gives them a forum to voice their opinion that somehow that means their opinon is valuable, interesting or important. Many are people who believe that just because they can’t do something doesn’t mean they can’t teach it.

I am constantly amazed by those who without seeking qualified instruction in something and without earning or working their way to become certified in a thing, believe they can just teach it. This riles me up faster than anything.

Over thirty years of martial arts training, I have earned several black belts. I can tell you that the good old black belt isn’t the end all be all of things. I can say that because I have earned them. Anyone can agree or disagree and I’ll respect their opinion – as long as they’ve earned one and know what the hell they’re talking about.

There’s nothing wrong with not being good at something. If it’s something you want to be good at, seek out those who do it better and learn from them. Try harder. Re-dedicate and refocus yourself. Set a goal and work until you achieve it. When you see someone whose better than you at something repsect the amount of work they’ve put in to get to that point and if you want that skill realize that you have to work as hard as they did to get it. Nothing is free.

You have to do more than want something. You have to do whatever is necessary to get it – to earn it.

So, if it sounds like I’m talking about you – I am. Fortunately, it’s not too late to redeem yourself. Here’s a few simple rules to begin the process of stepping back into reality.

1. If you are trying to teach something in which you have zero credentials – stop, you don’t know what you’re talking about and you’re deceiving people. You might as well just mug them in the street. Stop.
2. If you are unable to do something and persist in trying to correct others – stop. You can’t give someone something you don’t have and you can’t take someone somewhere you haven’t been.
3. If you post your workouts on the internet and regularly exaggerate your performance thinking no one knows the truth…they do.
4. Identify and accept that which you don’t do well. Dedicate yourself to doing what you need to in order to change that. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
5. Expect more of yourself than others do. Spend more time working to become what you want to be and less time trying to convince others that your’e something you’re not.

Fighting the delusional societal conditioning where everyone’s a winner can be accomplished it just takes honest hard work and a healthy dose of reality.” – Brandon Jones

Thank you, Brandon!  And in closing, a clip about what you do when things go wrong.

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This entry was posted by Kathryn Woodall on Friday, January 30th, 2009 at 12:43 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.